God is so good and I am sometimes so slow, but He is patient with me and shows me grace and mercy! I have been asking and asking and not really wanting to hear. He has been convicting. Satan has been condemning. I have been sitting, stuck and sad. Now, it’s time to repent and move on! Here’s how it went …
DISTRACTION: Maybe I should start with how distracted I am, have been … am determined not to be anymore. Satan is so good at his dang job and I have not stood up valiantly with my sword and fought against it. I could give a slew of excuses … fatigue, not feeling well, not feeling well, not feeling well, laziness, making poor choices, losing focus … it’s all a choice and I made them. Not the feeling bad part, but what I am doing in the, and with the, feeling bad part.
And boy if God hasn’t been convicting me! I have prayed that He would fill me with His Spirit and show me were I was not allowing Him to shine His Glory in my life, and He has answered in spades. I must say, it’s not pleasant, but it is necessary. You see, He has called me to certain things and He expects my complete obedience in them. All of them. And, not my way, but His way. I have repented many times this week of following my agenda and calling it His. See, the thing about repenting is it requires a change on my part. So, I am on my knees thankful for His grace and mercy and that He will give me strength to be vigilant and intentional in all He has called me to do … especially where He has given me my hearts desire … parenting, homeschooling and our marriage. I don’t want to look back and regret that I did anything half way and I don’t want to watch my kids and see bad habits they learned from watching me. So, time to choose best over better or good, to speak by example and let my example match my words, to be ever-vigilant in this task set before me as there are many rewards for obedience that I may not see now, but I will as my daughters grow in Him. Lord, help me to never lose sight of what You have called me to do. Strengthen me that my life might shine brightly for You and point others to You.
AND ON SETTING LIMITS: Got sucked into Facebook. Yes, I said sucked in. It’s kind of a fun game and would be great to play all day if I didn’t have a bigger calling from the Lord. Instead, for a week I have chosen to be sucked in. Done with that. Setting BIG limits on internet use. Make best choices Debra. Wield your sword. God had already been speaking with me on this and then came this post at “
97 Seconds with God”
… ouch.
What land am I not cultivating?
And then this response from a reader … Heartafire said... “I have precious land in mothering my children. Not only
that, but one day, this land will not be used for growing children in Christ,
but for something else. I need to make sure I am gardening while I have
time----constantly tending, watering, improving the soil, weeding, etc. my
little shoots. So that one day, they will yield abundant food for their own
little people. I definitely take for granted all the time I have to tend
this land. The fact that I am EVER on the computer while they are in the same room is something that's been tugging at my heart a lot lately. I vow to not be on the computer at all when my kids are at home, unless they are asleep.”
Ouch, conviction. I am not choosing best. Refining fire. And I am convicted and done. I am setting limits and refocusing on my land. My precious land and the blessing of raising my children at home full-time. God is so good. Thank you Lord that You are patient and slow to anger and that You convict me and then fill me with Your Spirit to do what You have called me to do.
MY STATUS: For those of you who have asked how I have been feeling. My new friend at “
Room to Think”
posted this sentiment that made me laugh and laugh. Thank you Lord for laughter through new friends. Oh how you bless me! …. 
She said ... "That's me on the right. I think I look pretty
cute.My head and heart are just not here anymore, I'm picking up on the most
ridiculous mistakes. I can't even drive my car properly. Ah well, good to know
my family and husband still love me...not to mention God and some wonderful
friends too."
My sentiments exactly! That’s about how I’ve been. I have pondered and dreamed up and thought up how this whole walk to healing would go and God has allowed me such silliness and then reminded me Who is in charge and Whose plan we would be following … His. I am surrendered and will daily surrender. His grace is sufficient. In my weakness, He is strong. I am equipped for every good thing. I am not walking alone … He is with me. He is doing amazing things in my life and in my husband and in our family through this. He has gifted me with awesome, supportive friends who are present and who I’ve only met in blog land. And, He is faithful to His word. I’m resting in that on days that I feel icky. I want to be a light for Him and if this is the walk, I pray that I will honor Him with my behavior in it.
MORE ON MY STATUS: This song sums up how I have been feeling, “Whatever You’re Doing” from Sanctus Real. Yup, chaos, but something heavenly WILL come out of it! Here is the song and here are the lyrics …
It's time for healing time to move on ... It's time to fix what's been broken too long ... Time make right what has been wrong ... It's time to find my way to where I belong ... There's a wave that's crashing over me ... And all I can do is surrender
(Chorus) Whatever You're doing inside of me ... It feels like chaos but somehow there's
peace ... It's hard to surrender to what I can't see ... but I'm giving in to something
Heavenly.
Time for a milestone ... Time to begin again ... Reevaluate who I really am ... Am I doing everything to follow Your will ... Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills ... So show me what it is You want from me ... I give everything I surrender...To...
(Chorus)
Time to face up ... Clean this old house ... Time to breathe in and let everything out ... That I've wanted to say for so many years ... Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You're doing inside of me ... It feels like chaos but I believe ... You're up to something bigger than me ... Larger than life something Heavenly ...
Whatever You're doing inside of me ... It feels like chaos but now I can see ... This something bigger than me ... Larger than life something Heavenly ... Something Heavenly
It's time to face up ... Clean this old house ... Time breathe in and let everything out
GOD’S LOVE: And, then my sweet friend at Heart Rock Life posted this today.
Can I tell you how I LOVE cows. I want a farm with chickens and cows and a big garden and a greenhouse and …. The heart on baby cow’s forehead … precious! There is a heart I am marked with. My Father’s heart and He is for me.
GLORY! So, that’s the update. Planning to stay focused, in His strength, on where I am to be focused. All prayers to that end and for healing to manifest are welcome! :) How awesome to be able to breathe again. What a weight that is lifted off with surrender and obedience. Yes, we are blessed!
Oh, and ... my kids were sleeping while I was posting this! :)
