I'm
making dinner. The hubs and kids are at the pool. I am listening to my Playlist
on iTunes. And, I am broken. Weeping before a Holy God. My mind wanders through
the places it is led. Some places I don't like. Places I feel inclined to
judge. Lots of things. Someone's behavior choices. Another's lack of appropriate choices. Angry
at the kids caught in the crossfire. I see the destruction. Hearts broken and
bleeding and trying to fake it. I’m angry I'm not making better choices,
setting a better example. Especially with my words. Ugly words. Angry at the
times I see myself being okay with "common," instead of standing
against it and walking in God's "normal." Getting frustrated because I can’t force
people to see it that way. Why am I not making what is important, important.
And, what is important? To act justly. To love mercy. To walk humbly with our
God. (Micah 6:8)
I
find myself fighting the lie that it has to be done "my" way or it's
not right. And, the Lord gently shows me how "my" way isn't
necessarily the only way or the right way and my job is to pray others to and
through what He has planned.
I
am overwhelmed by the ugliness of this world. I want to be a big mother hen and
pull my kids and, some days my husband, close and protect them from all that is
evil. But God ... He jumped right in the middle. He loved people. Where they
were. He was not changed, never changed by the world He was in. He never
waivered, never compromised, never judged sinners because sinners' sin. It's
their job. He just loved. He talked to the Father and trusted Him and His plan.
He breathed His Heavenly Father and spilled Him on everyone He met and in
everything He did. He walked forward to the cross with us in mind. He loved. He
loves me. And, because He loves me, I have no excuse not to love, forgive,
serve and love some more.
God
help me. To look fully to You for every-last-stinking-small-insignificant-thing
to every huge-brawling-going-to-drown-me-thing. Every.single.moment.of.the.day. That’s
where I want to be … on my knees, always, talking with the Most Holy God.
"Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow."
- Psalm 51:7 (NIV)
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